


Pain in the Ass

by DastardlyDaisy



Category: Gravity Falls, Rick and Morty
Genre: Blow Jobs, Drunkenness, Frottage, Hate Sex, M/M, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2018-12-12 12:01:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11736639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DastardlyDaisy/pseuds/DastardlyDaisy
Summary: Ford finally snaps when one of his students shows up to class drunk





	1. Chapter 1

He was a patient man. Patience kinda came with being a scientist. Lots of waiting around, collecting data, waiting for perfect conditions, failures, and having to restart from scratch again and again. It was part of the job. But one of his students managed to always wear his patience thin, damn near to the point of breaking. If that damned Sanchez wasn't snoring loudly in the back of the auditorium, he was offering snarky and cynical commentary to everything Ford tried to teach. He had half the mind to kick the damned kid out of his class, but that would feel like a defeat in his book. Let the kid pretend he's a big shot, let him waste his money on a class he didn't pay attention to. Sure, Sanchez was clever, but it would only get him so far. He was great with hands-on projects and aced the tests Ford gave, but he only did half the assignments, only attended half the classes. The kid was digging his own grave, and Ford was going to let him.

At least, that's what he had been telling himself the whole semester. It was his mantra that helped calm him down when he felt irritation bubble under his skin. But things changed immediately when Sanchez came to class obviously drunk, his big eyes half lidded and hazy, knocking into people as he sloppily made his way to his seat. To Ford, that was the last straw. Something about it got under his skin in a way that the rest of his childish behavior hadn't.

He taught class, the blue-haired asshole snoozing away happily and obliviously the whole time. He hadn’t even brought anything with him, merely treating his class like some damned naptime. He forced himself to not look in the brat's direction as he detailed the possibilities of wormholes. It wasn't a particularly heavy subject for him, but his irritation had his mental notes all askew.

After limping through half the class period and assigning some reading, he let his students go early. There were a few scattered cheers and a low murmuring of chatter and moving as the students happily began filing out of the room. The sounds awakened Rick, who rubbed his eyes sleepily before stretching and standing unsteadily on his spindly legs. But as he approached the door, Ford called out to him.

"Sanchez. We need to have a talk."

The few students straggling behind didn't seem at all surprised and quickly made themselves scarce, the last one shutting the door behind him. Rick seemed unperturbed, moseying around the chalkboard and looking at the formulas strewn across it, occasionally stumbling.

"What is it." He said in an annoyed tone when Ford remained quiet.

"What do you think it is?" Ford said levelly.

Rick shrugged and used one of his thin fingers to wipe a number away before snatching up a piece of chalk and scrawling down something. "It's more stable this way." He shrugged again, dropping the chalk back into the chalk trough.

Ford's patience, already worn thin, finally snapped at that. He took lumbering steps towards him and yanked him around by the shoulder. Even with his features loose and sloppy from alcohol, Rick still managed to look smug.

"You listen here, Sanchez..." He grabbed the front of the kid's shirt, wanting nothing more than to wipe that smug smirk off of his face, his teaching career be damned.

"I'm listening." Rick pursed his lips challengingly and raised his eyebrows.

Ford grit his teeth and felt his anger swell to an almost astronomical point. He had a million things he wanted to say, a million of things he wanted to do (or more accurately, break) but as he held the kid, their noses almost touching, he felt his rage sizzle out. He was tired and Rick was obviously a lost cause. No need to throw everything away over this snotty kid.

He softened his face and was about to let go when Rick leaned forward and began to sloppily kiss him, his tongue laving at his lips as he moaned. Ford was too shocked to move away or to respond.

After a few seconds of unresponsiveness, Rick pulled away and narrowed his eyes. "Did I read the situation wrong?"

Ford nodded.

His eyes narrowed more and he poked Ford's broad chest with a bony finger. "Are you surrre? Because I could feel some sexual tension between us."

Ford pursed his lips. "I'm sure."

"Hmm." Rick hummed, seeming unconvinced. "Well still." He looked around dazedly and saw the desk a few feet behind him. He hopped up on it with a small "oomph" and rubbed the front of his pants. "Now that I've masterfully made some sexual tension, let's do it."

"Get off my desk. I'm not playing your silly games, Sanchez." Ford stepped forward and grabbed is arm, his fingers easily wrapping all the way around.

"Ooh, Professor, so handsy," Rick drawled, puffing his chest out and scooting forward on the desk to wrap his long legs around Ford's waist.

Ford breathed heavily through his nose, giving Rick a stern look. "This isn't funny."

"I wasn't trying to be." He reached out and palmed Ford's soft dick through his slacks. "I really do want it."

The situation was absurd, crude, happening so fast and messily that Ford was really at a loss for what to do. He looked dumbly at the hand on his pants, feeling the spidery fingers knead him, then up at Rick, whose eyes were staring at him hungrily. Warm tension was growing in his abdomen, and he couldn't deny that it had been a while since someone had touched him. But that didn't mean this was okay. This guy was drunk, and even when he wasn't drunk he was crude and impulsive. The whole situation reeked of _not rightness_ , but even still, when Rick leaned forward to kiss him again, his mouth only hesitated for a few seconds before unsurely kissing him back.

 _Wrong, wrong, wrong!_ The word was being shouted in his head over and over as he opened his mouth and invited Rick's tongue in. This whole situation was fucked up. He hated this disrespectful brat, and it was obvious that Rick had no respect or care for him either. So why this? Why was Rick's hand unzipping his pants, and why was he leaning into it and unzipping Rick's? It was all wrong, all backwards, but damned if it didn't feel good right now.

Rick clumsily pulled out Ford's swelling cock and stroked him dryly a few times. He slumped forward and shut his eyes, his own hands still tugging at Rick's pants.

"This, _nngh_ \-- isn't going to change your grade."

"I know that, old man," Rick scoffed, "Jesus, not everything I do has an ulterior moti---"

He cut off on a raspy gasp as Ford freed his dick- just as thin and long as the rest of him- and began pumping it in his large fist.

"Good. This is a one time thing. It's nothing special."

Rick gave a small laugh. "Just the way I like it."

Ford fought to not roll his eyes and wrapped an arm around Rick to drag him to the edge of the desk. The tips of their cocks touched and Rick lifted his hips in a few shallow thrusts to rub them teasingly together before Ford wrapped one large hand around both of them, pumping them fast and dry.

"You're a nuisance, Sanchez." Ford breathed thickly, rutting his hips up into his own fist. "Why do you even bother showing up."

"Maybe I just like-- nnggh, pissing you off, old man."

"Fuck you."

"I'd be delighted."

Ford could feel the tension mounting in his stomach so he slowed his hand. The last thing he wanted was to cum first, the amount of shit Rick would give him would be astronomical. But god, he wasn't sure how long he could hold off. It had been awhile since he had gotten off, in all honesty. He simply didn't have time for it, between his classes and his own inventions.

"C'mon, faster," Rick whined impatiently, moving his own hips now to encourage more friction.

"Be patient, you brat."

Rick groaned and leaned his head against Ford's shoulder. "I'll fall asleep at this pace."

Ford growled and pushed him back against the desk, his head connecting with a hollow thud. "Ungrateful, you piss me off so much, _fuck_ \--"

Rick laughed breathlessly and writhed and moaned as Ford picked his pace up again. "You piss me off too, old man, _ahhn_ , up here playing babysitter."

Ford steadied himself against the desk with one hand and tightened his grip almost painfully around them, their leaking precum easing his movements. "What, what should I be doing besides teaching sorry cases like yourself?"

Rick's eyes were closed and he let out a pant between each word, "Not, mmm, wasting, your potential."

Ford curled inward, his hand leaving his desk to ball in Rick's shirt. "Fuck you," His vision grew spotty and he felt light headed as his orgasm finally hit him, "Fuck you, _ahnn_ , fuck you..."

He jerked his hips and rubbed his cock along the underside of Rick's as he shot 3, 4, 5 thick stripes of cum across Rick's shirt.

"So much..." Rick commented, running his finger through the mess and playing with it between his fingers, as if he were examining it. "You were really backed up, old man. That's not good for your health, you know."

Ford had wanted to try to bask in the afterglow of orgasm, but of course Rick wouldn't let that happen. He sighed and pushed off of Rick, tucking his softening dick back in his pants and zipping himself up.

"Come on, are you really gonna blue balls me like this?" Rick said, humping his hips in the air impatiently.

"I'm _not_ ," Ford replied testily, pushing his hips down, "That's something lowdown that _you_ would do. Not everyone is an asshole, Sanchez."

Rick plopped his head on the desk with another dull thud. "More power to 'em or whatever."

Ford rolled his eyes and ducked his head down, taking Rick's cock in his mouth and to the back of his throat with little effort.

"Woah! Hey now," Rick burped crudely and lifted himself up on his elbows to watch Ford work, "That's what I'm talking about."

Ford grumbled around his mouthful, not able to speak but hoping his message of 'shut up' got through. Even if it did, it probably wouldn't stop him anyways.

"Professor, who knew you were such a proficient cock sucker."

Ford let his teeth sink into the springy flesh of his dick and Rick jolted before laughing. "Hey, it's a compliment, you know."

He decided it would be best to just block him out. He wanted to get this done as soon as he could. He had things he had to do and his next class would be coming in soon.

With rough sucks and a lot of bobbing, he had Rick mumbling little " _Yeah, just like that, ohh_ ”s and could taste bitter precum bubbling at the tip. He actually enjoyed sucking dick, it was a small known fact that any of his male partners knew. But this time around, he felt no enjoyment from the act, he only worked his mouth effectively and efficiently as a courtesy. God, this brat was really trouble all around.

Finally, long legs wrapped around him tightly and bony fingers tangled in his hair. Considering how vocal Rick was, it was a shock that his orgasm was completely silent. Ford swallowed each bitter spurt of fluid hurriedly, pulling off with a wet pop as soon as it was over.

"Now get yourself up and outta here."

"Zero points for pillow talk." Rick said, hazily sitting up and fussing with his pants.

"See if I care." Ford wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Hurry up, I've got another class coming in and I need to prepare."

"Yeah yeah, I heard you the first time, old man." Rick hopped off the desk and stretched, his lanky joints popping. He huffed out a breath and looked around. "Welp, that was decent. Same time next week?"

Ford pursed his lips at him as Rick made his way to the door. "I already told you, it was a one time thing."

"Sure, sure." Rick waved his hand dismissively in the air, clearly ignoring him as he opened the door.

"Hey," Ford called as Rick made to leave. "You show up to class drunk again, and I'll fail you. Seriously."

 Rick turned and raised his eyebrow. "I'm always drunk in all my classes. I just overdid it this time."

Ford glared at him as he shut the door with a sharp click.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a long day. Who was he kidding, it had been a long _month_.

Ford seated himself at the booth in the back, his favorite spot. Most of the people who came to the bar sat on the stools arranged around the counter, so this spot was the best. He could get drunk in peace, with minimal human interaction.

The waitress came up to him and took his order—two white Russians. He busied himself with methodically shelling the complimentary basket of peanuts at the table as he waited for his drinks, letting the stress from the university slowly melt from his shoulders.

“Ayy, if it isn’t my favorite professor.”

Ford looked up just as Rick slid sloppily into the booth seat in front of him.

Fuck. Of all the people Ford didn’t have to deal with outside of the university—or anywhere, really—Rick was at the very top of that list. Hell, Rick’s name was underlined and circled and surrounded by arrows on that list.

“Scram, kid.” Ford popped a peanut in his mouth and began working on another shell.

Rick clacked his beer bottle on the table and burped. “What, am I ruining your dark and brooding mood, old man?” Rick plucked a peanut from the basket and popped it into his mouth, shell and all. “Nothing says midlife crisis like drinking alone at a shady bar.”

Ford grit his teeth and tried to compose himself before speaking. “Maybe I’m waiting for someone.”

Rick took a swig from his bottle before leaning back comfortably in the booth, a clear indication that he had no plans of leaving any time soon. “You’re not.”

The waitress came over then and deposited Ford’s drinks, putting one in front of Rick. Before Ford could say anything, the white Russian was in Rick’s spindly fingers and nearly half gone.

“Anything else for you fellas?” The waitress eyed Rick as he slurped at his drink.

Ford sighed and rested his head tiredly in his hand. “A whiskey double.”

Rick burped and set the nearly empty glass down. “Ooh, make that two.”

The waitress scribbled in her notepad before zipping away and Ford leaned forward. “Don’t think I’m paying for your drinks.”

Rick leaned forward too. “Saving up for a luxury sports car, eh old man?”

“I am _not_ going through a midlife crisis.”

Rick smiled knowingly at him before downing the rest of the white Russian and returning to his beer. “Whatever you say, professor.”

~~~

The glasses piled up on the table as the night wore on. Ford was pleasantly drunk, sucking on an ice cube from one of his drinks. Rick had slid his way around the booth and was now shoulder-to-shoulder with Ford, his words slurred and jumbled as he went on and on about string theory.

During a pause, Ford shook his head tiredly. “You talk a lot, you know that?”

Rick finished off another drink and set the glass down with a satisfying click. “Only because you’re a terrible conversationist.” Rick stretched and rested an arm around Ford’s shoulders. “One talks too much, and one doesn’t talk enough. What a pair we make.”

Ford tried to shrug the arm from around him but Rick stayed firm. He sighed and finished his own drink before sliding out of the booth. He stumbled a bit but steadied himself on the table.

“Where’re you going?”

“Home.” Ford said gruffly.

Rick slid to the edge of the seat so that he was looking up at the older man, and at dick-sucking height, a fact they were both fully aware of. “Am I invited?”

Ford groaned tiredly. “Where do ya live, kid?”

“Across town. Are you gonna make me drive like this?” He burped and his head swayed on his thin neck. “D’you live nearby?”

Ford hummed as an answer. What a sucky situation. He couldn’t just leave Rick here alone…God forbid he wake up in the morning with a headache and find out the little ass had gotten into a wreck.

But the scene from a few weeks ago was still fresh in his mind. He knew that this situation was quickly heading to something similar, and he knew it would be definite if he let Sanchez spend the night.

But was that really so bad? If he was sober, the answer would have been a definite yes. But right now…

Maybe a little company wouldn’t be too terrible.

With another sigh, Ford grabbed Rick’s arm and pulled him up from the booth. “C’mon, you bastard.”

The both stumbled out of the bar (Ford’s wallet considerably lighter), and began down the street. Ford lived in the apartment building nearby, and it took them less than 10 minutes to be on the doorstep.

Ford fumbled with his keys and finally got the door open. Before he could even get it closed behind them, Rick was attacking him, the surprise of it making the larger man stumble against the wall. Rick pressed his slight frame persistently against Ford and kissed sloppily at his lips, his tongue trying to pry it’s way between them.

“Kiss me back.” Rick demanded with a quick pull away before going back at it. Ford’s head was fuzzy and he was expecting at least a little bit of finesse from Rick, but hell, if he wanted to jump right into it…

Ford grabbed Rick’s thin shoulder and pushed him against the opposite wall. Rick’s eyes were heavily lidded for the brief second that Ford saw them before kissing him hard. There was no love or tenderness in the kiss, and it was a good indicator of how the rest of their night would be. Ford was more than okay with that.

“You’re already hard.” Ford commented, wiping the back of his mouth and peeling himself off his student. “You’re a spoiled brat.”

“Hmm?” Rick snaked an arm around his chest as they stumbled their way further into the apartment.

“You knew that this was gonna happen the moment you approached me at the bar.”

Rick hummed again and tugged at Ford’s shirt, which soon fell to the floor. “Who knows?”

“Insufferable.” Ford moaned as Rick plucked at his dark nipples. “You’re insufferable.”

“And you love it.”

They locked into another heated kiss as they haphazardly undressed each other before finally collapsing onto the couch, naked and rutting eagerly against each other.

“Gonna fuck you so hard,” Rick breathed, biting Ford’s lip.

“No, you’re not.” Ford growled, turning them so that he was on top.

Rick’s long fingers wrapped around his cock and pumped him slowly. “You’re not even completely hard, old man.”

Ford bit Rick’s collarbone before reaching over to the side table and grabbing the bottle of lotion there. He used it while watching television at night, applying it to his elbows and hands. He had proper lube in his bedroom, but he had no desire to get up, or to bring Rick to his room.

“It’s the alcohol.”

“Hey, performance issues happen to everyone.”

“Shut up and spread your legs.”

Ford yanked Rick’s thighs apart and lifted him slightly before bending him at the waist, putting his bony ass on display.

“So,” Rick burped, “So forceful, Professor.”

Ford decided, like last time, to just ignore any comments from the bastard. He slicked up three of his fingers and immediately inserted one, all the way to the knuckle. Rick moaned and squirmed, his ass sucking his finger in easily and clenching excitedly.

“Slut.” Rick growled, pistoning his finger roughly inside his student.

“You, nngh--! Have no idea,” Rick wiggled his ass, “Now gimme more.”

And Ford did. He worked a second finger in and fucked Rick’s hole deep and rough, searching for that sweet spot that would shut Rick up.

“Ah! Fuck, oh fuck yes, right fucking _there_ …”

Rick’s glassy eyes rolled back and he squirmed and twitched. Instead of being an off switch, his prostate seemed to only make Rick babble more. It wasn’t bad though, in fact it made Ford feel powerful. That smart tongue reduced to a blubbering mess because of a mere two fingers…

His cock began to hurt from neglect as he bent Rick further in half and began ramming his fingers again and again against his prostate.

“Oh fuck, oh _fuck_ , ohfuckohfuckohfuck--!”

With a long, shaky, deflating moan, Rick’s thin cock splurted cum messily on his stomach. Ford pumped his fingers in relentlessly as Rick’s thin muscles twitched and spasmed. The last shot of cum splattered on Rick’s chin and with one last trembling moan, Rick went limp, his eyes closing.

“You better not pass out on me yet,” Ford breathed heavily, grabbing his stiff leaking cock and slapping it against Rick’s thigh.

“Too late.” Rick mumbled, turning his head to the side.

Wait, was he serious?

“Sanchez.” Ford put his legs down and climbed on top of him before giving him a soft tap on the face. “Sanchez.”

Rick grumbled something before letting out a loud snore.

“You’re fucking with me, aren’t you?” He tapped him on the face again. “ _Rick_.”

He sat back, his cock red and bobbing in front of him. “Unbelievable.”

Ford watched Rick sleep for a few stunned minutes, his erection flagging somewhat.

With an aggravated grunt he got up from the couch and made his way into his room. His buzz was wearing off and now he just felt tired.

He thought he was going to regret all of this in the morning, but it was already setting in.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Woo!! I'm excited to finally post this!   
> @DastardlyDaisy on twitter <3


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